by Max Doomsday
I've been laid out with a raging cold all week. I tried my usual cold remedy (screwdrivers on the rocks), but the cold just won't go away. Maybe I should try a different brand of vodka.
Do you suppose it could be the Swine Flu? That was the next great pandemic we were promised, wasn't it? It was going to sweep across the globe, decimate population centers, clog the rivers with corpses, and leave the survivors envying the dead. When's all that supposed to start, anyway?
I'm sure that whenever the Swine Flu finally hits, it'll be a disaster of biblical proportions, just like we were told it will. Same with Y2K. Scoff if you want, but when those clocks all hit midnight on January 1, 2000, there's gonna be real trouble!
So anyway, I've been nursing this cold, and that means I only got around to writing one new column this week, the next installment in my history of Ra's al Ghul. That's Part 4, if you're keeping score. At this rate, I should have him all wrapped up by the start of 2012. (I really need to stick to writing shorter character profiles, because after a few weeks of writing about the same person, I start to get sick of him!)
The big movie awards were held over the weekend. I'm referring, of course, to the Razzies. I was happy to see the hellish Transformers 2 pick up some well-deserved honors in the categories of Worst Screenplay, Worst Director, and Worst Picture.
Yes, I know, that other award ceremony went down over the weekend, too - the thoroughly discredited O-Word. And in response to the emails I've received during the last twelve hours, the answer is "No." As in, "No, the fact that Hurt Locker beat Avatar for Best Picture this year does not change my opinion of the Oscars one bit." Giving the Best Picture statue to the right movie in one year does not somehow make up for refusing to nominate the five best movies in the previous year.
Still, I'm glad Avatar lost! A pretty movie, sure. But a mentally disabled child could've written that script with a crayon.
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Dark Knight Annotated: Ra's al Ghul - and Talia, Too! (Part 4)
by Max Doomsday
In Part 1 and Part 2 of this series, I devoted a lot of space to the first Ra's al Ghul story arc published in 1971 and '72. That story became the template for most of Ra's al Ghul's later comic book appearances. Writers have essentially been retelling it over and over again for the last forty years - though rarely approaching the quality of the original.
There are certain elements that are common to most Ra's al Ghul stories, and which set him apart from other members of the Dark Knight's rogues' gallery. I'll list them for you.
1. Ra's al Ghul exploits his knowledge of Batman's secret identity, either to attack Batman, to send a warning, or to distract Batman from his latest eco-terrorist plot.
2. The hunt for Ra's al Ghul leads Batman out of the shadowy confines of Gotham City and on a journey to exotic locales around the world, usually winding up in an elaborate underground bunker.
3. Batman talks about his feelings for Talia, Ra's al Ghul's daughter, but does not act on them.
4. Ra's al Ghul indulges in an expository speech about his goal to "cleanse" the Earth and restore environmental harmony (by killing off most of the human population).
5. Batman encounters Ra's al Ghul's bald, moronic, Vin Diesel-like bodyguard (usually named "Ubu" or "Lurk") and physically humiliates him.
6. Batman and Ra's al Ghul exchange some dialogue about how much they "respect" and "admire" each other.
7. Talia betrays her father at a crucial moment, enabling Batman to defeat him. But don't worry, in a few years she'll be back at her father's side as if nothing happened.
8. Ra's al Ghul either escapes or dies during his confrontation with Batman. But like Christopher Lee's Dracula, no matter how final his death may seem, he'll return alive and well in a few years, having rejuvenated himself with this magical Lazarus Pit.
Perhaps the single finest Ra's al Ghul story was published in the 1987 graphic novel Batman: Son of the Demon, by writer Mike W. Barr (who I've discussed before in his role as co-creator of Batman's own superhero team, the Outsiders) and artist Jerry Bingham.
In Son of the Demon, Ra's and Ghul and the Dark Knight joined forces against a terrorist named Qayin, who had a Blofeldian scheme to draw America and Russia into a full-scale nuclear exchange. Because letting the world get covered in a radioactive shroud wouldn't fit in with Ra's al Ghul's environmentalist goals, he made common cause with Batman to stop Qayin. But the conflict was a personal one, as well. Qayin had once been his godson, and was responsible for the death of his wife and Talia's mother, Melisande.
I should mention here that a story published in the early '80s revealed that Talia was over a hundred years old, but was kept looking young and pretty by her father's technology. Son of the Demon retconned that, putting her birth well after World War II. A later story retconned Talia's backstory again, establishing that her mother was some hippie chick Ra's picked up at Woodstock. I'll give you a second to think about the spectacle of a stuffy old man like Ra's al Ghul cruising for pussy at Woodstock.
Yeah.
Back to Son of the Demon. To prepare for the coming struggle with Qayin, Batman settled in at Ra's al Ghul's mountain headquarters in the Himalayas. For the time being, the two old enemies put aside their differences.
And Batman finally decided to shack up with Talia.
For any of you out there in Sarah Palin Country, before you get all apoplectic about a mainstream comic book superhero "living in sin" (gasp!), just keep in mind that Batman and Talia were already married. Sort of. In a story published nine years earlier, Ra's had Batman drugged, kidnapped, and put through a farcical wedding ceremony with Talia. As he explained it, according to the customs of whatever unnamed Middle Eastern country he was supposed to have come from, "the consent of the female and her father are sufficient for marriage!" Riiight. That jibes with everything we know about the misogynist cultures of the Mideast, doesn't it?
Ra's hoped this little stunt would stop Batman from interfering in his plans. It didn't. Batman just ignored the "marriage" until he was good and ready to settle down with Talia.
I'll spare you the scene in Son of the Demon where Batman and Talia actually consummated their relationship. (You're welcome!) Afterwards, Batman finally seemed ready to take his place at Ra's al Ghul's side.
Before long, Talia was pregnant, and it looked as if, at long last, the Dark Knight would finally have the family life he'd always denied himself.
He also got the one thing every orphaned superhero needs, a surrogate father.
But then it all went sour. After Qayin's soldiers attacked Ra's al Ghul's compound, Batman got panicky about Talia's safety. He announced he was taking her back to Gotham, leaving Ra's to deal with Qayin and avert World War III all by himself.
Not the most rational move, obviously. What was his plan if Qayin succeeded in triggering a global nuclear holocaust? Hide out in the Batcave with Talia and the baby?
Then things took another dramatic turn, when Talia had a miscarriage. She blamed it on the recent "strife" and "exertion" of Qayin's attack. Batman blamed Qayin, and became more determined than ever to stop him. Which he did. But more tragedy was waiting for him after the battle.
Batman went back to Gotham to sulk. Nine months later, a newborn was left on the doorstep of an orphanage. Turns out, Talia had lied about losing her baby to get Batman back into the fight against Qayin.
The people at DC Comics later decided they didn't like the idea of a Bat-Baby crawling around somewhere, and declared that Son of the Demon was no longer "canon." But they reversed that policy a few years ago. The child of Batman and Talia was revealed to have been raised by the League of Assassins (whose history I discussed last week) and grew up into a teen psycho named Damian. (What a creative name!) He's living in Gotham now, where he's become the current Robin.
The great thing about Son of the Demon was that it allowed the Dark Knight's relationships with Ra's al Ghul and Talia to actually develop, if only temporarily. Personally, I would've been happy if DC never published another Ra's al Ghul story again after that one. Son of the Demon would've made for a great final chapter to his saga, even if it didn't end with his ultimate defeat at Batman's hands. But that was not to be. I'll continue the history of Ra's al Ghul and Talia next week.
The "Dark Knight Annotated" Series:
The History of Two-Face.
The History of The Scarecrow.
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 1).
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 2).
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 3).
In Part 1 and Part 2 of this series, I devoted a lot of space to the first Ra's al Ghul story arc published in 1971 and '72. That story became the template for most of Ra's al Ghul's later comic book appearances. Writers have essentially been retelling it over and over again for the last forty years - though rarely approaching the quality of the original.There are certain elements that are common to most Ra's al Ghul stories, and which set him apart from other members of the Dark Knight's rogues' gallery. I'll list them for you.
1. Ra's al Ghul exploits his knowledge of Batman's secret identity, either to attack Batman, to send a warning, or to distract Batman from his latest eco-terrorist plot.
2. The hunt for Ra's al Ghul leads Batman out of the shadowy confines of Gotham City and on a journey to exotic locales around the world, usually winding up in an elaborate underground bunker.
3. Batman talks about his feelings for Talia, Ra's al Ghul's daughter, but does not act on them.
4. Ra's al Ghul indulges in an expository speech about his goal to "cleanse" the Earth and restore environmental harmony (by killing off most of the human population).
5. Batman encounters Ra's al Ghul's bald, moronic, Vin Diesel-like bodyguard (usually named "Ubu" or "Lurk") and physically humiliates him.
6. Batman and Ra's al Ghul exchange some dialogue about how much they "respect" and "admire" each other.
7. Talia betrays her father at a crucial moment, enabling Batman to defeat him. But don't worry, in a few years she'll be back at her father's side as if nothing happened.
8. Ra's al Ghul either escapes or dies during his confrontation with Batman. But like Christopher Lee's Dracula, no matter how final his death may seem, he'll return alive and well in a few years, having rejuvenated himself with this magical Lazarus Pit.
Perhaps the single finest Ra's al Ghul story was published in the 1987 graphic novel Batman: Son of the Demon, by writer Mike W. Barr (who I've discussed before in his role as co-creator of Batman's own superhero team, the Outsiders) and artist Jerry Bingham.
In Son of the Demon, Ra's and Ghul and the Dark Knight joined forces against a terrorist named Qayin, who had a Blofeldian scheme to draw America and Russia into a full-scale nuclear exchange. Because letting the world get covered in a radioactive shroud wouldn't fit in with Ra's al Ghul's environmentalist goals, he made common cause with Batman to stop Qayin. But the conflict was a personal one, as well. Qayin had once been his godson, and was responsible for the death of his wife and Talia's mother, Melisande.I should mention here that a story published in the early '80s revealed that Talia was over a hundred years old, but was kept looking young and pretty by her father's technology. Son of the Demon retconned that, putting her birth well after World War II. A later story retconned Talia's backstory again, establishing that her mother was some hippie chick Ra's picked up at Woodstock. I'll give you a second to think about the spectacle of a stuffy old man like Ra's al Ghul cruising for pussy at Woodstock.
Yeah.
Back to Son of the Demon. To prepare for the coming struggle with Qayin, Batman settled in at Ra's al Ghul's mountain headquarters in the Himalayas. For the time being, the two old enemies put aside their differences.
And Batman finally decided to shack up with Talia.For any of you out there in Sarah Palin Country, before you get all apoplectic about a mainstream comic book superhero "living in sin" (gasp!), just keep in mind that Batman and Talia were already married. Sort of. In a story published nine years earlier, Ra's had Batman drugged, kidnapped, and put through a farcical wedding ceremony with Talia. As he explained it, according to the customs of whatever unnamed Middle Eastern country he was supposed to have come from, "the consent of the female and her father are sufficient for marriage!" Riiight. That jibes with everything we know about the misogynist cultures of the Mideast, doesn't it?Ra's hoped this little stunt would stop Batman from interfering in his plans. It didn't. Batman just ignored the "marriage" until he was good and ready to settle down with Talia.
I'll spare you the scene in Son of the Demon where Batman and Talia actually consummated their relationship. (You're welcome!) Afterwards, Batman finally seemed ready to take his place at Ra's al Ghul's side.
Before long, Talia was pregnant, and it looked as if, at long last, the Dark Knight would finally have the family life he'd always denied himself.He also got the one thing every orphaned superhero needs, a surrogate father.But then it all went sour. After Qayin's soldiers attacked Ra's al Ghul's compound, Batman got panicky about Talia's safety. He announced he was taking her back to Gotham, leaving Ra's to deal with Qayin and avert World War III all by himself.Not the most rational move, obviously. What was his plan if Qayin succeeded in triggering a global nuclear holocaust? Hide out in the Batcave with Talia and the baby?
Then things took another dramatic turn, when Talia had a miscarriage. She blamed it on the recent "strife" and "exertion" of Qayin's attack. Batman blamed Qayin, and became more determined than ever to stop him. Which he did. But more tragedy was waiting for him after the battle.
Batman went back to Gotham to sulk. Nine months later, a newborn was left on the doorstep of an orphanage. Turns out, Talia had lied about losing her baby to get Batman back into the fight against Qayin.The people at DC Comics later decided they didn't like the idea of a Bat-Baby crawling around somewhere, and declared that Son of the Demon was no longer "canon." But they reversed that policy a few years ago. The child of Batman and Talia was revealed to have been raised by the League of Assassins (whose history I discussed last week) and grew up into a teen psycho named Damian. (What a creative name!) He's living in Gotham now, where he's become the current Robin.
The great thing about Son of the Demon was that it allowed the Dark Knight's relationships with Ra's al Ghul and Talia to actually develop, if only temporarily. Personally, I would've been happy if DC never published another Ra's al Ghul story again after that one. Son of the Demon would've made for a great final chapter to his saga, even if it didn't end with his ultimate defeat at Batman's hands. But that was not to be. I'll continue the history of Ra's al Ghul and Talia next week.
The "Dark Knight Annotated" Series:
The History of Two-Face.
The History of The Scarecrow.
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 1).
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 2).
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 3).
Sunday, February 28, 2010
World of Warcraft: The Movie
by Fearless Young OrphanI have great respect for Sam Raimi, so was intrigued by the news that he would be directing the World of Warcraft movie. Those of us who have spent shameful amounts of time glued to this MMORPG know there is an epic plot at its core, even when it seems like we are only doing one of two things: (1) slaughtering endless lists of bears, murlocs and spiders, or (2) plowing through instances hoping to get gear that is a slight percentage better than what we're wearing at the moment. Mr. Raimi probably hasn't had time to immerse himself in all this joy, and I feared he might not grasp the real experience of World of Warcraft. So I have written this script for him! You're welcome, Sam.
EXT. THE FLOATING CITY OF DALARAN.JAKEBEARDMAN the Paladin glides onto KRASUS' LANDING on his red drake of the Wyrmrest Accord.
Many offers of aid are extended to our hero. JAKEBEARDMAN quickly brings to his raid group six companions: TEALADY, a hunter; FAENALAE, a hunter; WONDERBEAST, a hunter; ZYGMUNDFREUD, a mage; FRYDOUGH, a warlock; and YAKKKO, a rogue.JAKEBEARDMAN
My fellow warriors, the evil Prince Arthras himself threatens our peace and way of life. No better way is there for us to fight his evil, than to form a group and lay waste to an instance and better gear ourselves! I shall make raid on Ulduar this very day, for the glory of the Alliance and the treasure there found, and seek nine able warriors to join me. Who will fight by my side?
(announces to the city of DALARAN)CRAZYCHRISTOPHER
You cant rade Ulduar with paladin and nine wariors.
(a youthful paladin)JAKEBEARDMAN
Haha, you speak truth, young paladin. Forgive my carelessness. I will raid Ulduar with myself at the head of the charge, and require one warrior, two to three healers, and five or six great wizards to cast their mighty spells.ULTIMATESEXY
I want in raid.
(A Death Knight)JAKEBEARDMAN
No, Death Knights may not join us.
Twenty minutes pass. The seven companions wait on the platform to be joined by HEALERS and WARRIOR. Some companions DANCE and FART LOUDLY as they BRUSH UP AGAINST EACH OTHER. Active trade continues in the city of DALARAN as many Want to Buy and Want to Sell items of great value, for prices that make others call them ‘n00bs' and ‘pricks'. YAKKKO vanishes suddenly.JAKEBEARDMAN
Now we wait, my friends, for another warrior and two great healers.(To the city)
I require the aid of two fine healers and a warrior to fight at my side! Who will join our quest?
*DPS: Damage Per Second. This is what you want a whole bunch of, from any group member who is not healing or tanking. The higher your group's dps, the faster an enemy dies, and that's good for everybody involved.FRYDOUGH
Yakkko is gone.JAKEBEARDMAN
We shall spare him a moment to return to us.TEALADY
Four sooth and hark, does any1 here like erotic role-playingZYGMONDFREUD
WOOT TEALEDYFRYDOUGH
I have a warlock friend who can come with usFAENALAE
We have a warlock already we need another rmage.ZYGMONDFREUD
Woot magesFRYDOUGH
She does 4000 dps.*
YAKKKO returns.FAENALAE
What's her spec?FRYDOUGH
Affliction.TEALADY
Harken thee, I didn't mean I liked erotic role=playing, was just askingFAENALAE
Bull#*@),an affliction warlock can't do 4000 dpsFRYDOUGH
Bull*$#& you I checked dps meter myself
*Wipe: The entire group present is killed. Depending on who you're playing with, this can be a "whoops, let's try that again" situation, or a "oh my freaking god it's the end of the world, you all suck and have made my life a ceaseless misery" situation.JAKEBEARDMAN
Yakkko has returned to us! Now we seek only two great healers and a warrior to fight at my side.FRYDOUGH
So can my friend come?JAKEBEARDMAN
Alas, no further magic do we need. Two healers and a warrior at my side are all we require.FRYDOUGH
We could kick Faenalae her gear sucksFAENALAE
Bull*&#$ what are you talking about my gear score is over 3500FRYDOUGH
ur not even wearing good hunter gear. Why you got all those haste jewels in your armorTEALADY
Fours Sooth, mine guild does not ban erotic role-playing, that's all I sayethFAENALAE
Haste rating casts spells faster moronFRYDOUGH
Yeah if you were a mage I'd be &$*%#@% impressed but ur a hunter and you need STAMINA moronJAKEBEARDMAN
A mighty heart is better gear than all the armor in the world. I seek only those who are willing to fight for the glory of the Alliance.FRYDOUGH
I'm not raiding Ulduar with a bunch of mighty hearts who wipe* on the first mobs** because their gear sucks. I don't need repair bills
**Mob: A game-generated enemy who wants very much to kill you
*Tank: The one in the group who is basically expected to stand there and take most of the damage from the mobs. They don't even have to dish out much damage themselves, as long as they keep the enemies' attention. It's not as easy as it sounds, as enemies tend to focus their wrath on the dps (bad) and the healers (very bad) if the tank isn't doing his job. The "offtank" is an assistant, or back-up, tank role.FAENALAE
I love it when clothies #@*$* about repair bills, try repairing mail sometimeFRYDOUGH
My alt is a plate-wearing 80 tank* so yeah I know a little about repair bills from wiping with undergeared hunters
YAKKKO disappears again.FAENALAE
Fry u are an $#*@$*@# with no idea what u are talking aboutJAKEBEARDMAN
My friends, let us not fight among ourselves whilst we await the arrival of two mighty healers and a warrior to fight at my side.
JAKEBEARDMAN: Alas, noble WONDERBEAST, further dps does not aid our cause.JAKEBEARDMAN
And whilst we await the return of Yakkko.ULTIMATESEXY
Are you still looking for offtank because I can offtank.JAKEBEARDMAN
Alas, good sir, we want no Death Knights in our party.FRYDOUGH
Yakkko is gone again so now can we invite my friend to go on the raidJAKEBEARDMAN
If Yakkko returns to us not, your friend may join us. I say, doest any one of our fine group have an alter ego who could offtank or heal for us?WONDERBEAST
I have a mage alt level 80, I could bring him
A mighty warrior, HUMPBACKDINGO joins the party of raiders.WONDERBEAST
I have a Death Knight alt level 80, I could bring him to offtank but he's really more dpsJAKEBEARDMAN
I fear once more your kind offer aids us not, for we do not want Death Knights in our raid, nor is dps what we require.FAENALAE
Fry better not have that voidwalker out in raid or I'm quittingFRYDOUGH
Fae better make sure ur pet's not aggressive or I'm voting to kick you outJAKEBEARDMAN
Friends, let us not argue! Each class has many merits and requires great skill! We all have value. Except Death Knights.FAENALAE
don't need some warlock telling me how to play my toonFRYDOUGH
I have level 80 blood elf hunter so I know a little something about huntersWONDERBEAST
Does anyone else need Halls of Lightning cos I need it for achievement
YAKKKO returns suddenly.ZYGMONDFREUD
Woot HumpJAKEBEARDMAN
Welcome to our band of raiders, Humpback, you are well met here.HUMPBACKDINGO
What raid ru doing? You got no healersJAKEBEARDMAN
Alas our healers are yet to join us in our quest to raid Ulduar, but now that you are here, mighty off-tank, our hopes are alight.HUMBACKDINGO
I'm specced to dps not tankFAENALAE
We got dps alreadyJAKEBEARDMAN
Would you change your spec for us, so that you may be an off-tank to better serve us?HUMBACKDINGO
I got no armor for tanking, I'm dpsFAENALAE
Replace Yakkko cause he's gone anyway offlineHUMPBACKDINGO
Jake duel meWONDERBEAST
Does anyone want to do Halls of Lighting heroic?FRYDOUGH
My friend is coming and she is dps, we don't need warrior dps
TEALADY leaves group.HUMBACKDINGO
Yakkko duel meWONDERBEAST
I need Halls of Lightning heroicTEALADY
Alast my guild calls upon me and I must harken to thine's call. Addeth me to thine friends list if you haveth questions about erotic role-playing
HUMPBACKDINGO leaves group. YAKKKO disappears suddenly.FAENALAE
Fine Hump can dps then if Tea's goneFRYDOUGH
What about my friend?HUMPBACKDINGO
Who wants to duel me?JAKEBEARDMAN
Once we are met by a warrior and two healers, we are away to Ulduar.HUMPBACKDINGO
What raid ru doing?JAKEBEARDMAN
We seek to conquer Ulduar.HUMPBACKDINGO
I thought u said halls of Lightening.FAENALAE
HoL is not a raid jack@#*, this is Ulduar group full clear.HUMPBACKDINGO
I'm saved to Ulduar is that okayFAENALAE
No its not *$#@&*# okay, this is FULL CLEAR OF ULDUAR.HUMPBACKDINGO
Fine if ur going to be rude then %@$*@ u I'm gone who needs u
YAKKKO suddenly returns; SCARLOCKOHARA, a warlock, joins the group; FAENALAE leaves the group.JAKEBEARDMAN
We seek two or three healers, a mighty warrior to fight at my side and possibly one mage to cast his mighty spells in our quest to raid Ulduar for the glory of the Alliance.ZYGMONDFREUD
go go goWONDERBEAST
Can we do Halls of Lighting heroic after this?FAENALAE
It's going to take us four hours to get this done cause our raid leader can't pull any healers.FRYDOUGH
Friend is on named Scarlockohara invite plz.FAENALAE
If you invite another warlock into this group I'm quitting.WONDERBEAST
Warlocks can heal can't they?FAENALAE
I love it I'm with a bunch of nOObs who bought their toons on eBay yesterday right? Warlocks can't heal.FRYDOUGH
stfu Fae affliction warlock spells heal.FAENALAE
Afflictions warlocks heal themselves and their minions @#@*$face, not the party and this is Ulduar not $@#*$%^# Black Fathom Deeps. WE NEED PRIESTSFRYDOUGH
Still you can't say warlocks don't heal.JAKEBEARDMAN
I seek two or three healers, or one mage, and one mighty warrior to fight at my side, for the glory of the Alliance.ZYGMONDFREUD
What raid r we doing?FAENALAE
ULDUAR FULL CLEAR U MORONZYGMONDFREUD
Ware is Uldurman?FAENALAE
WARLOCKS DON'T HEAL I said it.WONDERBEAST
Is it true that heals can't crit
FRYDOUGH and SCARLOCKOHARA mount their drakes, preparing to leave KRASUS' LANDING. They prepare to leave for about thirty more minutes because SCARLOCKOHARA discovers she needs to buy potions at the Auction House and then go to the bank. YAKKKO disappears. WONDERBEAST is AFK.JAKEBEARDMAN
My companions, let us begin our trek to Ulduar, where hopefully we will soon be met by two healers and a mighty warrior to fight at my side.ZYGMONDFREUD
Ware to we goFRYDOUGH
If three of us go, I can open a portal to summon the rest.
About ten minutes pass as ZYGMONDFREUD exchanges words with the vendor.FRYDOUGH
Come on Zyg we need three to summon
(eventually)ZYGMONDFREUD
What FP do I takeFRYDOUGH
Just follow usZYGMONDFREUD
No flyling mountSCARLOCKOHARA
How can you be level 80 and not have flying mountZYGMONDFREUD
I have flyling mount he don't work hereSCARLOCKOHARA
You need to buy cold weather flying so your mount will fly hereZYGMONDFREUD
Ware to I buy cold wathetr flylingSCARLOCKOHARA
Right there.
(points to flying mount trainer four feet from them)
SCARLOCKOHARA leaves the party. YAKKKO returns suddenly. WONDERBEAST returns from AFK. A restoration shaman named SYLVUR joins the party.ZYGMONDFREUD
Can some1 give me 1000 gold plzSCARLOCKOHARA
I have invite for Trial of Champions heroic, need achievement, gotta go
FRYDOUGH, YAKKKO and WONDERBEAST mount their drakes and fly away.FRYDOUGH
Yay a healer at last!JAKEBEARDMAN
Indeed, this is cause for celebration. Now to find one more healer and a mighty warrior and our raid on Ulduar will be a great success.FRYDOUGH
Yakkko, Wonder, come with me to Ulduar so I can open portal for everyone to get there.
A lively conversation breaks out among the DALARAN citizens, and they discuss the merits of Chuck Norris.ZYGMONDFREUD
go go go
ULTIMATESEXY joins the group.ULTIMATESEXY
ru still looking for offtank?JAKEBEARDMAN
Your sturdy heart has won your cause, my friend. Join us, Death Knight, and put an end to the rumors that you and your brethren are useless in a raid.
ULTIMATESEXY
Can anyone give me some titansteel or some gold to buy titansteel I need it for leveling my blacksmithing
CUT TO:
INT. THE OMINOUS INNER WORKINGS OF ULDUAR.Well away from the battlefield lined with dangerous mobs, WONDERBEAST, YAKKKO and FRYDOUGH open a warlock portal.
ZYGMONDFREUD is summoned to ULDUAR.FRYDOUGH
Who wants summons?ZYGMONDFREUD
Me.
ULTIMATESEXY is summoned to ULDUAR.JAKEBEARDMAN
Await me but a moment, for I must find one more healer.SYLVUR
Summons for me pleaseULTIMATESEXY
SUMMONFRYDOUGH
Zyg don't go over there yetWONDERBEAST
Zyg don't go there, you'll pull mobsULTIMATESEXY
SUMMON ME NOWFRYDOUGH
Zyg, don't go thereWONDERBEAST
Zyg stay away from thatULTIMATESEXY
ARE YOU DEAF I SAID SUMMON ME NOWJAKEBEARDMAN
Ultimate, kindness is a better lure than impatience!ULTIMATESEXY
THAT'S RIGHT BEEYOCH I PUT THE "F.U." BACK IN "FUN"
SYLVUR is summoned to ULDUAR just as ZYGMONDFREUD pulls 15 mobs and the group is swarmed. Death for all group members present is almost immediate.SYLVUR
I need a summons please.ZYGMONDFREUD
GO GO GOFRYDOUGH
ZYG DON'T GO OVER THERE
*Rez: The on-the-spot resurrection of a "killed" player, prevents having to make a long run back from the graveyardWONDERBEAST
CrapZYGMONDFREUD
rez* plz
SYLVUR leaves group, ULTIMATESEXY leaves group, FRYDOUGH leaves group, ZYGMONDFREUD leaves group.ULTIMATESEXY
^*@*#!ZYGMONDFREUD
REZ PLZFRYDOUGH
#*$#%!ZYGMONDFREUD
REZ ME PLZSYLVUR
I actually can't deal with this.
WONDERBEAST leaves group. YAKKKO disappears suddenly.WONDERBEAST
I need Halls of lightning heroic - anyone want to come, pm me
CUT TO:
EXT. THE FLOATING CITY OF DALARAN.JAKEBEARDMAN stands alone on KRASUS' LANDING.
JAKEBEARDMAN
I seek six mighty wizards, two healers and a warrior to fight at my side against the menace of Arthras, to join me in my quest to raid Ulduar for the glory of the Alliance and the treasure therein.CRAZYCHRISTOPHER
You cant do ulDuar with six wizards
(a youthful paladin)MASSIVEREPRODUCTIVO
STFU Jake this isn't even a role-playing server
(a mighty healer)
THE END
The Dark Knight Annotated: Ra's al Ghul - and Talia, Too! (Part 3)
by Max Doomsday
I left off last week at the end of the first major story arc involving Batman's timeless enemy, Ra's al Ghul. That saga ended with Ra's al Ghul's capture by the Dark Knight. But don't worry, he didn't stay captured for long. Soon he was back hatching his genocidal schemes to "cleanse" the Earth. Today, I'm going to focus on one particular aspect of Ra's al Ghul's long and complicated history, the League of Assassins.
The League debuted in 1970, and seemed tailor-made for the kung-fu craze that took hold of the country later in the decade. The League was a group of killers-for-hire. Many of its members were martial artists, and they tended to favor traditional Eastern weapons.
Batman tangled with these guys a few times in the early '70s, prior to his first meeting with Ra's al Ghul. As I discussed a couple of weeks ago, Batman was tracking down the League's leader, the laughably-named Dr. Darrk, when he first encountered Ra's al Ghul's daughter, Talia. At that time, she mentioned that Darrk and her father "had a falling out over some sort of business." We never did learn exactly what that dispute was about, and Talia ultimately killed Darrk.
Here's where things get complicated. Four years before that, in 1967, DC Comics introduced an unusual new superhero called Deadman (who I've discussed at length before) in a series called Strange Adventures. He was the ghost of a murdered circus acrobat who was allowed to remain on Earth to hunt down his own killer.
Deadman's killer turned out to be an aspiring member of a murder-for-hire outfit called the Society of Assassins, which was led by a creepy little old man called the Sensei. Deadman teamed up with Batman to thwart the Sensei's master plan - something about destroying a mystical Tibetan city - and the Sensei swore revenge on them both. He went on to become the closest thing to an archenemy that Deadman ever had.
A 1986 Deadman miniseries tried to cement him in that role by "revealing" that he was actually possessed by an evil spirit named Jonah, an Earthbound ghost not unlike Deadman, himself. This retcon went over so well with readers that Jonah was never mentioned in comics again.
The Sensei and the Society of Assassins were introduced in Strange Adventures in 1968. Batman battled them a year later in an issue of The Brave and the Bold. Then, in 1970, Batman had his first run-in with Dr. Darrk's League of Assassins in the pages of Detective Comics, a book with a different editor and different writers than the two other titles.
Eventually, someone at DC decided the Dark Knight didn't need two assassin guilds in his life. So a 1971 issue of Justice League of America "revealed" that the League of Assassins and the Society of Assassins were, in fact, the same group. That story also "revealed" that the group was actually part of Ra's al Ghul's criminal organization (previously identified as the Brotherhood of the Demon). And just to complicate things even further, the League/Society was revealed to have yet another name, "Demonfang." Ra's al Ghul is Arabic for "the Demon's Head," and the League of Assassins was described as the "powerful fang which protects his head."
Actually, the "Demonfang" name never caught on. From then on, the organization would always be known as the League of Assassins. At least, that's what it's called in the comics. Movies and TV are another matter. But I'll get to that when I talk about screen adaptations of Ra's al Ghul.
The revelation that the League and the Society were one and the same led to all kinds of continuity problems. If the League existed to serve and protect Ra's al Ghul, why were its members hiring their services out to anyone who could pay? Why did the League simultaneously have two leaders with conflicting agendas? It was left for later writers to try to sort out the League's tangled history. The current "official" story is that Ra's al Ghul founded the League at some point in the past, and later handed it off to others to run for him.
In recent years, leadership of the League has been tossed around like the English Crown at a Shakespeare festival. In addition to the Sensei and Ra's al Ghul, the League has been led by Talia (who famously created a squad of mutant ninja bat-people); by Ra's al Ghul's long-lost other daughter, Nyssa Raatko (who I'll have more to say about later); and by Batgirl. Not the real Batgirl, Barbara Gordon, but her replacement, Cassandra Cain. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure who's supposed to be running the League right now.
One thing we do know for certain about the League is that it has a very strict personnel policy. As in SPECTRE, the penalty for failing on a League assignment is death. While this may be a fine way to cut down on frivolous EEO claims by disgruntled former employees, the policy does little to engender loyalty or morale. And it doesn't help that the policy is applied selectively. The Sensei loved doling out discipline to his underlings, but you never saw him whip out the sword and perform seppuku on himself when he failed on a mission!
By the end of the '70s, the Sensei was quite mad. He'd become obsessed with the idea of elevating murder to an "art form" - which, as you might expect, meant he was neglecting the business side of League operations. Ra's al Ghul decided he needed to get the League firmly back under his own control, and manipulated Batman into siding with him in his private war against the Sensei.
But if the Sensei was an artist, then he was about to paint his masterpiece. A group of "world religious leaders" were meeting outside Gotham City for a (no doubt masturbatory and self-aggrandizing) summit on "global peace." The Sensei planned to kill everyone in attendance by bombing a fault line, triggering an earthquake at the building where the summit was to be held.
Batman got everyone out of the building in time, of course. Then Ra's al Ghul showed up and chased the Sensei into the building, just seconds before it collapsed. Ra's al Ghul soon recovered - returning from the dead is sort of his shtick, after all. But the Sensei stayed dead for nearly thirty years. The story of his eventual return was one of the lowest points in Batman's publication history.
But I'll get to that another time. As for the League of Assassins, it has fallen victim to the tendency of comic book writers to standardize and streamline everything in whatever fictional universe they're working with. Nowadays, just about every DC Comics character with a lick of martial arts training has had his or her backstory retconned to include some connection with the League.
Next week, I'll get back to the activities of Ra's al Ghul and Talia.
The "Dark Knight Annotated" Series:
The History of Two-Face.
The History of The Scarecrow.
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 1).
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 2).
I left off last week at the end of the first major story arc involving Batman's timeless enemy, Ra's al Ghul. That saga ended with Ra's al Ghul's capture by the Dark Knight. But don't worry, he didn't stay captured for long. Soon he was back hatching his genocidal schemes to "cleanse" the Earth. Today, I'm going to focus on one particular aspect of Ra's al Ghul's long and complicated history, the League of Assassins.The League debuted in 1970, and seemed tailor-made for the kung-fu craze that took hold of the country later in the decade. The League was a group of killers-for-hire. Many of its members were martial artists, and they tended to favor traditional Eastern weapons.
Batman tangled with these guys a few times in the early '70s, prior to his first meeting with Ra's al Ghul. As I discussed a couple of weeks ago, Batman was tracking down the League's leader, the laughably-named Dr. Darrk, when he first encountered Ra's al Ghul's daughter, Talia. At that time, she mentioned that Darrk and her father "had a falling out over some sort of business." We never did learn exactly what that dispute was about, and Talia ultimately killed Darrk.Here's where things get complicated. Four years before that, in 1967, DC Comics introduced an unusual new superhero called Deadman (who I've discussed at length before) in a series called Strange Adventures. He was the ghost of a murdered circus acrobat who was allowed to remain on Earth to hunt down his own killer.Deadman's killer turned out to be an aspiring member of a murder-for-hire outfit called the Society of Assassins, which was led by a creepy little old man called the Sensei. Deadman teamed up with Batman to thwart the Sensei's master plan - something about destroying a mystical Tibetan city - and the Sensei swore revenge on them both. He went on to become the closest thing to an archenemy that Deadman ever had.A 1986 Deadman miniseries tried to cement him in that role by "revealing" that he was actually possessed by an evil spirit named Jonah, an Earthbound ghost not unlike Deadman, himself. This retcon went over so well with readers that Jonah was never mentioned in comics again.The Sensei and the Society of Assassins were introduced in Strange Adventures in 1968. Batman battled them a year later in an issue of The Brave and the Bold. Then, in 1970, Batman had his first run-in with Dr. Darrk's League of Assassins in the pages of Detective Comics, a book with a different editor and different writers than the two other titles.
Eventually, someone at DC decided the Dark Knight didn't need two assassin guilds in his life. So a 1971 issue of Justice League of America "revealed" that the League of Assassins and the Society of Assassins were, in fact, the same group. That story also "revealed" that the group was actually part of Ra's al Ghul's criminal organization (previously identified as the Brotherhood of the Demon). And just to complicate things even further, the League/Society was revealed to have yet another name, "Demonfang." Ra's al Ghul is Arabic for "the Demon's Head," and the League of Assassins was described as the "powerful fang which protects his head."
Actually, the "Demonfang" name never caught on. From then on, the organization would always be known as the League of Assassins. At least, that's what it's called in the comics. Movies and TV are another matter. But I'll get to that when I talk about screen adaptations of Ra's al Ghul.
The revelation that the League and the Society were one and the same led to all kinds of continuity problems. If the League existed to serve and protect Ra's al Ghul, why were its members hiring their services out to anyone who could pay? Why did the League simultaneously have two leaders with conflicting agendas? It was left for later writers to try to sort out the League's tangled history. The current "official" story is that Ra's al Ghul founded the League at some point in the past, and later handed it off to others to run for him.
In recent years, leadership of the League has been tossed around like the English Crown at a Shakespeare festival. In addition to the Sensei and Ra's al Ghul, the League has been led by Talia (who famously created a squad of mutant ninja bat-people); by Ra's al Ghul's long-lost other daughter, Nyssa Raatko (who I'll have more to say about later); and by Batgirl. Not the real Batgirl, Barbara Gordon, but her replacement, Cassandra Cain. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure who's supposed to be running the League right now.
One thing we do know for certain about the League is that it has a very strict personnel policy. As in SPECTRE, the penalty for failing on a League assignment is death. While this may be a fine way to cut down on frivolous EEO claims by disgruntled former employees, the policy does little to engender loyalty or morale. And it doesn't help that the policy is applied selectively. The Sensei loved doling out discipline to his underlings, but you never saw him whip out the sword and perform seppuku on himself when he failed on a mission!
By the end of the '70s, the Sensei was quite mad. He'd become obsessed with the idea of elevating murder to an "art form" - which, as you might expect, meant he was neglecting the business side of League operations. Ra's al Ghul decided he needed to get the League firmly back under his own control, and manipulated Batman into siding with him in his private war against the Sensei.
But if the Sensei was an artist, then he was about to paint his masterpiece. A group of "world religious leaders" were meeting outside Gotham City for a (no doubt masturbatory and self-aggrandizing) summit on "global peace." The Sensei planned to kill everyone in attendance by bombing a fault line, triggering an earthquake at the building where the summit was to be held.
Batman got everyone out of the building in time, of course. Then Ra's al Ghul showed up and chased the Sensei into the building, just seconds before it collapsed. Ra's al Ghul soon recovered - returning from the dead is sort of his shtick, after all. But the Sensei stayed dead for nearly thirty years. The story of his eventual return was one of the lowest points in Batman's publication history.And there've been some real low points.
But I'll get to that another time. As for the League of Assassins, it has fallen victim to the tendency of comic book writers to standardize and streamline everything in whatever fictional universe they're working with. Nowadays, just about every DC Comics character with a lick of martial arts training has had his or her backstory retconned to include some connection with the League.
Next week, I'll get back to the activities of Ra's al Ghul and Talia.
The "Dark Knight Annotated" Series:
The History of Two-Face.
The History of The Scarecrow.
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 1).
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 2).
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Geek Jargon 101: The Multiverse, Time Travel, and Earth-Prime
by Max Doomsday
In this edition of Geek Jargon 101, I’m going to talk about two of my favorite subjects, parallel universes and time travel. This is not going to be a scholarly discussion of actual scientific theories about the existence of parallel universes or the possibilities of time travel - which I find very dull. I'm talking about parallel universes and time travel as they're portrayed in fiction.
THE MULTIVERSE
I think we're all familiar with the parallel universe concept. It's the idea that somewhere, in another dimension in space, there exists a separate universe that is similar to our own, but differs in significant and entertaining ways. For example, during the last half of the twentieth century, writers loved to concoct alternate histories where the Nazis won World War II and went on to conquer all or part of the world. I call this the "Nazi Planet" genre. There are two reasons for the popularity of this genre. First, World War II was one of the major turning points in human history. And second, everyone agrees that the Nazis were the greatest real-life supervillains ever. They tried to conquer the world, they killed millions of people, and they all looked great in their Hugo Boss uniforms while doing it!
Any time you have two or more parallel universes, they are collectively referred to as a "multiverse." Growing up, I assumed this term originated in comic books (where I was first exposed to it). But it turns out, the term was coined all the way back in 1895 - by a psychologist, of all things!
The parallel universe has been a sci-fi trope for decades. Many of us were introduced to the idea by the Star Trek episode "Mirror, Mirror" (or, a generation later, by the very similar Super Friends episode "Universe of Evil"). In "Mirror, Mirror," a transporter accident sends Captain Kirk and his landing party to a parallel universe which is socially and politically the opposite of the one we're familiar with. There, the Enterprise serves not the peaceful United Federation of Planets, but the warlike and imperialist Terran Empire. The crew members are all murderous, conniving, and disloyal - the exact opposite of the Star Trek cast we're used to seeing. Plus, Spock has a goatee!
Here's your Atomic Gadfly Travel Tip for the week. If you're ever worried that you might've been transported into an "evil" parallel universe, just go around to everyone you know and see if any of them have goatees or eyepatches or facial scars they didn't have the day before. Especially goatees! If we've learned anything from television, it's this: if your Aunt Rosie grows a goatee overnight, you're probably in an "evil" parallel universe! (Or she could just be going through menopause. You should probably make sure before you go on a shooting rampage at Thanksgiving dinner.)
The parallel universe idea has become more mainstream during the last 15 years. In the late 1990s, the TV show Sliders featured a group of interdimensional travelers who visited a different parallel universe every week. Parallel universes were parodied in episodes of The Simpsons, South Park, and Family Guy. Perhaps no one's doing more to popularize the parallel universe concept right now than J.J. Abrams. Alternate timelines figured prominently in his 2009 Star Trek reboot and in recent episodes of Lost. His new show, Fringe, deals with a shadow war waged against us by the inhabitants of a parallel world where the 9/11 attacks never happened.
Parallel universes go by several different names. You just saw me use two of them, "alternate timeline" and "parallel world." Some others are "alternate reality," "alternate history," "parallel dimension," and, if you want to get really fancy, "separate plane of existence." These terms are often used interchangeably, but for the sake of this discussion, I'm going to use a few of them to describe specific categories of fictional parallel universes.
"Alternate Reality." I use this term to describe a parallel universe that is radically different from our own. Geography and topography may be unrecognizable. Civilization may be at a different level technologically. It may be inhabited by supernatural creatures. Physical laws that govern our world may not apply. Yet, everyone you encounter there will speak modern English. Examples of "alternate realities" include Oz, Narnia, and Wonderland from the novels of L. Frank Baum, C.S. Lewis, and Lewis Carroll.
"Alternate History." This is a parallel universe which closely resembles our own, but in which historical events have unfolded slightly differently. "Nazi Planet" stories like Philip K. Dick's The Man in the High Castle and Robert Harris' Fatherland would fit in this category. So, too, would Watchmen, which is set in an alternate version of 1985 where Richard Nixon is still president, costumed superheroes have existed since the 1940s, and the Vietnam War was ended by a godlike being called Dr. Manhattan. These examples are self-contained works of fiction. But what sci-fi fans really love is to see familiar characters cross over from their own universe into a strange parallel universe, then deal with the culture shock.
"Alternate Timeline." In fiction, there are basically two multiverse models. In one model, all the parallel dimensions that make up a particular multiverse came into existence at the same time, and have co-existed ever since. (Which leads to the question, did one Big Bang create the entire multiverse, or was there a separate Big Bang for each dimension within the multiverse?) In the other multiverse model, you start off with one universe. Any time there's a divergence in the time stream, a new parallel universe forms as an offshoot of the original. These offshoots are "alternate timelines." They're usually the result of mucking-about by time travelers who come from the future and alter the course of historical events. This is what we saw in the last Star Trek: Romulans came from the future, killed Kirk's dad, and blew up the planet Vulcan. The result was a new timeline, separate and apart from the original Star Trek timeline depicted in previous movies and TV shows.
In the real world, according to some theoretical physicists, every single time a human being makes a decision, an alternate timeline comes into existence for every option available to him. So, for instance, when you got up this morning and decided what you were going to wear today, an alternate timeline was spawned for each and every outfit you might have chosen to put on. And the same was true for me and for everyone else.
If this theory's true, then somewhere there's a parallel universe where I showed up at my straight-laced office job this morning wearing a t-shirt that says, "I'm Not an Alcoholic! They Go to Meetings." And another parallel universe where I was wearing my Cobra Commander uniform. That means there are now a couple of parallel universes where I may be unemployed.
But I don't put a whole lot of stock into what theoretical physicists tell me (as I've made clear before). In fiction, it usually takes a lot more effort to create an alternate timeline. There's a grand tradition of sci-fi stories involving time travelers who go into the past and screw up historical events. Alternate timelines are one possible outcome of this kind of activity, but not the only one.
TIME TRAVEL
The classic time travel story follows what I call the "overwrite" theory, exemplified by Ray Bradbury's 1952 short story, "A Sound of Thunder" (which somehow became a truly wretched 2005 movie). The story is pretty straightforward. A man travels to prehistoric times, kills a butterfly, and returns to the present. But the world he returns to is slightly different from the one he knew. That dead butterfly has had a "butterfly effect," so to speak, on Earth's history. A new version of history has overwritten the old. As is customary in such tales, the time traveler, himself, is unaffected, which permits him to bear witness to the changes to the timeline.
A similar scenario played out in the Star Trek episode, "The City on the Edge of Forever." Dr. McCoy jumps through a time portal to Depression-era America and inadvertently prevents the United States' entry into World War II. The history of the 20th Century (and every century that follows) is overwritten by a new version of history. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock are unaffected by the changes to the timeline, due to their proximity to the time portal. They follow McCoy, undo the damage, and the original timeline is "restored."
The problem with this theory of time travel is that you run into the so-called Grandfather Paradox. Put simply, if you go back in time and kill your own grandfather before he has a chance to have any kids, you effectively erase yourself from history. But if you never existed, how were you able to go back in time to kill your own grandfather in the first place? You couldn't. It doesn't work. You can't have it both ways.
One remedy for the Grandfather Paradox is the alternate timeline. With alternate timelines, you can have it both ways, because if you go back in time to kill your own grandfather, all you'd end up doing is creating a parallel universe where your grandfather was murdered and you never existed. Your own timeline - the one where your grandfather lived long enough to turn every family gathering into an unpleasant argument about abortion or gay marriage - that one would remain intact!
If you have a fictional setting where lots of time travel is going on, things can get pretty confusing. It can be hard to keep track of all of the alternate timelines springing up all the time. In the Marvel Comics universe (or multiverse, actually), there's even a cosmic agency called the Time Variance Authority, bureaucrats who exist to keep track of all the millions and millions of alternate timelines.
The other remedy to the Grandfather Paradox is what you might call the "determinist" theory of time travel. According to this theory, the past is the past is the past. It already happened, it's set in stone, and it cannot be changed. So if you go back in time to kill your own grandfather, you will fail. You'll get hit by a bus on the way to his house. Or your gun will jam and you'll stand there like a dope until the cops arrive and drag you away. Or your time machine will malfunction and you'll wind up marooned sometime during the last ice age, wondering whether sex with a Cro-Magnon would count as bestiality.
In science, the "determinist" theory is called the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle. Igor Novikov - whose name, like all Russian names, makes me think of vodka - came up with this "principle" in the 1980s. As is so often the case, "real" science was lagging behind fictional science. The Novikov Self-Consistency Principle had already been around for decades in sci-fi stories and comic books.
Take Superman. By the early '60s, it was established in the comics that Superman could time travel pretty much at will. So readers began to ask why he didn't go back in time and prevent the destruction of his home planet. The answer is, he couldn't.
Whenever Superman tried to go back in time to fix something - whether his goal was to save Krypton or stop the Lincoln assassination - he would fail. Somehow, he would fail. By some strange quirk of fate, his plans always went awry, usually at the very last minute. And this is because, according to the physical laws in Superman's universe, history can't be changed.
Time to recap. Everyone always says that if they had the ability to travel back in time, they'd kill Adolf Hitler before he rose to power. (I suspect at least a few people would instead go back to that night when they were twelve years old and their mom walked in on them jerking off to a copy of Omaha the Cat Dancer.)
But, for demonstration purposes, let's use the "kill Hitler" scenario instead. It's something we're all familiar with.
So, to recap, under what I call the "overwrite" theory, if you went back in time and killed young Hitler, a new timeline would overwrite the one we all know. In this new timeline, there'd be no World War II, no Holocaust, and no Cold War. (Also, no Dirty Dozen, no Slaughterhouse-Five, and no James Bond. I'm just sayin'...) But then you'd come up against the Grandfather Paradox. If you were born into a Hitler-less world, you'd have no reason to go back in time to kill Hitler in the first place. So you wouldn't, and the original timeline would be restored. You'd have to go back in time and kill Hitler all over again, except you'd have no memory of having done it all before. Best case scenario: you get caught in a Möbius Strip, where you're forced to keep repeating the same actions over and over and over again forever. Worst case scenario: the space-time continuum unravels and every single living thing in existence dies a horrible, screaming death. But at least you'd get a few moments of faux triumph!
Under the alternate timeline theory, if you went back in time to kill Hitler, you'd create a new, Hitler-less timeline where World War II, the Holocaust, and the Cold War never happened. But this alternate timeline would exist in a parallel universe, separate and apart from our own. In our own universe, all the horrors of Nazi Germany would still have happened. Meanwhile, in the new parallel universe you created, there would be tens of millions of more people walking around - the children and grandchildren of everyone who otherwise would've died in World War II. So in this new alternate timeline, your parents might never have met. They might've hooked up with other people who don't even exist in our world. Which means you might find that you don't exist in the happy, Hitler-less parallel universe at all.
Finally, under the "determinist" theory, if you went back in time to kill Hitler, you'd fail. You'd get hit by a car, or shot down by the police, or someone would drop an anvil on your head. Something would happen to prevent you from completing your task, and you'd fail. How do we know? Because it already happened. It's in the history books. It's done. It can't be changed.
There's a simple way to prove once and for all whether time travel will ever become a reality, and whether Novikov's theory was correct. Go look through the records of mental hospitals in Germany and Austria during the early 1900s, and see how many patients were brought in by the police during those years, claiming to be "from the future." There should be thousands of them, right?
EARTH-PRIME
And now I'm going to talk about a subject that's not as well-known as some other ideas about parallel universes, that of a "prime" universe or "Earth-Prime." In a fictional multiverse, the "prime" universe can be one of two things. It may be the one "source" universe from which the rest of the multiverse is somehow said to emanate. Or, in a metatextual twist, the "prime" universe may represent the "real" world, the non-fictional universe where you're reading this on your computer right now.
Like many sci-fi concepts, the notion of Earth-Prime originated in comic books. During the '60s, the folks at DC Comics were slowly building a fictional multiverse. The superheroes they were publishing at that time (the Justice League, the Teen Titans, etc.) were said to be located in a universe called "Earth-1." DC's World War II-era superheroes were revealed to be in a separate universe called "Earth-2." (You'd think it'd be the other way around, since the Earth-2 superheroes came first. But it wasn't.) Then there was "Earth-3," one of those "evil" parallel universes where everything was backwards. Earth-3 was dominated by a gang of supervillains called the Crime Syndicate.
Earth-1 and Earth-2 each had their own versions of certain superheroes. There were two Batmans, two Supermans, two Green Lanterns, two Flashes, and so on. The Flash of Earth-1, Barry Allen, debuted in 1955. He was inspired to take up a crimefighting career after reading comic books about the original Flash, Jay Garrick, whose exploits were published during the 1940s. Naturally, readers clamored for DC to bring back Jay Garrick so Barry Allen could meet his idol. And in 1961, that's just what happened, in the classic story, "Flash of Two Worlds!"
There was just one problem: how could Barry Allen meet somebody who, as far as he knew, was only a fictional character in a comic book? The solution was to stick Jay Garrick on a parallel universe, Earth-2. Barry Allen got zapped into this parallel universe and, after putting two and two together, tracked down Jay Garrick. Next thing you know, the old Flash and the new Flash were racing off to clobber some bad guys together. And how did the flesh-and-blood Jay Garrick of Earth-2 wind up as a comic book character on Earth-1? Here was the less-than-satisfying explanation:
For the record, Gardner Fox really was the name of the guy who wrote the original Flash stories during the '40s. He's also the guy who wrote this story!
In 1968, Fox decided to take this idea a step further, in a story called "The Flash - Fact or Fiction?" The Flash was blasted into yet another parallel universe - one where he, himself, was regarded as nothing more than a fictional character appearing in a comic book.
So Flash zipped over to the New York offices of DC Comics and convinced the editor of his comic book series to lend him the money to build a "cosmic treadmill," a device that would enable him to return to Earth-1. The world he visited was later dubbed Earth-Prime.
It was a cute idea for a one-off story, but unfortunately, people can never just leave well enough alone. Through the '70s and early '80s, Earth-Prime kept coming up again and again. Superheroes from Earth-1 crossed over to Earth-Prime, and DC staffers crossed over to Earth-1 and Earth-2 to interact with their own creations.
I'm sure the writers found all of this more amusing than the readers ever did.
Comic book creators on Earth-Prime not only had the ability to "tune in" on what was happening on Earth-1, they could also directly influence events there. In one of my favorite Earth-Prime stories (in this instance, the italics indicate sarcasm), some terrorists on Earth-Prime - in collusion with their Earth-1 counterparts - kidnap a Batman artist and try to force him to draw a story where the Dark Knight is killed, knowing that whatever a comic book artist draws on Earth-Prime becomes reality on Earth-1.
Earth-Prime eventually got a couple of superheroes of its own: Ultraa (with a trademarkable extra "A" at the end of his name) and its very own Superboy. Needless to say, all of this really strained the notion that Earth-Prime was supposed to be the "real" world, and the people at DC knew it. In 1985 and '86, they did away with their convoluted multiverse and introduced a new, streamlined mythology. At the same time, they decided that Earth-Prime wasn't the "real" world after all, and it was destroyed along with billions of other parallel universes by a wave of anti-matter that swept across the multiverse.
And that was it for the DC Comics version of Earth-Prime - at least, for the next twenty years, until a new generation of comic creators took over who liked the convoluted old multiverse and decided to bring it back. (For the record, I agree with the decision. Comics are more fun when there are lots of parallel universes for writers to play around in.) So Earth-Prime is back - though, to my knowledge, DC hasn't taken a position on whether it's once again supposed to represent the "real" world.
And that's the origin of the term "Earth-Prime." Since the '90s, the concept of a "prime" universe has shown up in a few places outside of comics.
In Sliders, "Earth-Prime" was the name the dimension-hopping heroes gave to their home universe, the one to which they were desperately trying to return. Their Earth-Prime was assumed to represent our own world until the fourth season, when it was conquered by creatures called the Kromaggs (who called their own home universe "Kromagg-Prime").
The shift in the meaning of "prime" - from the "real" world to a "source" world - began with last year's Star Trek. Leonard Nimoy played an elderly Mr. Spock, who crossed over from the original timeline (where the previous Star Trek movies and TV shows took place) to the new alternate timeline. The term "prime" wasn't used in the movie, itself, but in the closing credits (and the script), where the old Spock is identified as "Spock Prime" to distinguish him from the young Spock played by Zachary Quinto. You might not have noticed that, but a lot of Star Trek fans did, and they've already begun referring to the original Star Trek continuity as the "Prime Universe" or "Prime Timeline." (That "Prime Universe" lives on in the Star Trek Online game launched earlier this month.)
Another recent example of this use of the "prime" designation was found in Turtles Forever, a direct-to-DVD animated movie released last year to coincide with the 25th anniversary of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.
Okay, I know some of you just rolled your eyes at the thought of TMNT, but bear with me. According to Turtles Forever, the different versions of TMNT we've been subjected to over the years - including the moronic 1987 cartoon series, the unwatchable live action movies, and the (so I'm told) slightly more tolerable 2003 cartoon series - were each set in their own parallel universe. The main bad guy in the movie theorizes that there must be an original "prime" universe somewhere and sets out to destroy it, hoping to cause a domino effect that'll wipe out the multiverse. He finds just such a universe - which, for some reason, he calls "Turtle Prime" - and it turns out to be inhabited by the versions of the turtles who appeared in the original grim 'n' gritty comic book series that kicked off the whole TMNT phenomenon. This "prime" universe is not supposed to represent the "real" world. In fact, quite the opposite. The movie ends with a scene set in some other parallel universe, in 1984, where the two guys who created TMNT are finishing the very first issue of their comic book.
And now we come full circle. The latest animated movie from DC Comics, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (which went on sale last week) has a very similar plotline to Turtles Forever.
In the movie, the Justice League battle their evil counterparts from a parallel universe, the Crime Syndicate. One of the Crime Syndicate's number is a nihilistic Batman doppelganger called Owlman, voiced by James Woods(!) He hatches a scheme to find Earth-Prime and destroy it, hoping it'll set off a chain reaction that'll obliterate the entire multiverse.
Those are the varied forms of "Earth-Prime" we've seen in fiction so far. I'm sure the idea will crop up again, and perhaps even become as much of a sci-fi trope as alternate timelines and other kinds of parallel universes.
The Geek Jargon 101 Series:
Reboots: What They Are, What They Aren't, and Why They Happen.
Reboots and Reimaginings.
The Retcon Explained.
Continuity - Plus a Recap.
It's "Canon," Not "Cannon."
The Dark Side of "Canon."
In this edition of Geek Jargon 101, I’m going to talk about two of my favorite subjects, parallel universes and time travel. This is not going to be a scholarly discussion of actual scientific theories about the existence of parallel universes or the possibilities of time travel - which I find very dull. I'm talking about parallel universes and time travel as they're portrayed in fiction.
THE MULTIVERSE
I think we're all familiar with the parallel universe concept. It's the idea that somewhere, in another dimension in space, there exists a separate universe that is similar to our own, but differs in significant and entertaining ways. For example, during the last half of the twentieth century, writers loved to concoct alternate histories where the Nazis won World War II and went on to conquer all or part of the world. I call this the "Nazi Planet" genre. There are two reasons for the popularity of this genre. First, World War II was one of the major turning points in human history. And second, everyone agrees that the Nazis were the greatest real-life supervillains ever. They tried to conquer the world, they killed millions of people, and they all looked great in their Hugo Boss uniforms while doing it!
Any time you have two or more parallel universes, they are collectively referred to as a "multiverse." Growing up, I assumed this term originated in comic books (where I was first exposed to it). But it turns out, the term was coined all the way back in 1895 - by a psychologist, of all things!
The parallel universe has been a sci-fi trope for decades. Many of us were introduced to the idea by the Star Trek episode "Mirror, Mirror" (or, a generation later, by the very similar Super Friends episode "Universe of Evil"). In "Mirror, Mirror," a transporter accident sends Captain Kirk and his landing party to a parallel universe which is socially and politically the opposite of the one we're familiar with. There, the Enterprise serves not the peaceful United Federation of Planets, but the warlike and imperialist Terran Empire. The crew members are all murderous, conniving, and disloyal - the exact opposite of the Star Trek cast we're used to seeing. Plus, Spock has a goatee!
Here's your Atomic Gadfly Travel Tip for the week. If you're ever worried that you might've been transported into an "evil" parallel universe, just go around to everyone you know and see if any of them have goatees or eyepatches or facial scars they didn't have the day before. Especially goatees! If we've learned anything from television, it's this: if your Aunt Rosie grows a goatee overnight, you're probably in an "evil" parallel universe! (Or she could just be going through menopause. You should probably make sure before you go on a shooting rampage at Thanksgiving dinner.)The parallel universe idea has become more mainstream during the last 15 years. In the late 1990s, the TV show Sliders featured a group of interdimensional travelers who visited a different parallel universe every week. Parallel universes were parodied in episodes of The Simpsons, South Park, and Family Guy. Perhaps no one's doing more to popularize the parallel universe concept right now than J.J. Abrams. Alternate timelines figured prominently in his 2009 Star Trek reboot and in recent episodes of Lost. His new show, Fringe, deals with a shadow war waged against us by the inhabitants of a parallel world where the 9/11 attacks never happened.
From some episode of Sliders. All I know is, it's the one where Kari Wührer joined the cast - which was the exact moment I suddenly became interested in watching Sliders.
Parallel universes go by several different names. You just saw me use two of them, "alternate timeline" and "parallel world." Some others are "alternate reality," "alternate history," "parallel dimension," and, if you want to get really fancy, "separate plane of existence." These terms are often used interchangeably, but for the sake of this discussion, I'm going to use a few of them to describe specific categories of fictional parallel universes.
"Alternate Reality." I use this term to describe a parallel universe that is radically different from our own. Geography and topography may be unrecognizable. Civilization may be at a different level technologically. It may be inhabited by supernatural creatures. Physical laws that govern our world may not apply. Yet, everyone you encounter there will speak modern English. Examples of "alternate realities" include Oz, Narnia, and Wonderland from the novels of L. Frank Baum, C.S. Lewis, and Lewis Carroll.
"Alternate History." This is a parallel universe which closely resembles our own, but in which historical events have unfolded slightly differently. "Nazi Planet" stories like Philip K. Dick's The Man in the High Castle and Robert Harris' Fatherland would fit in this category. So, too, would Watchmen, which is set in an alternate version of 1985 where Richard Nixon is still president, costumed superheroes have existed since the 1940s, and the Vietnam War was ended by a godlike being called Dr. Manhattan. These examples are self-contained works of fiction. But what sci-fi fans really love is to see familiar characters cross over from their own universe into a strange parallel universe, then deal with the culture shock.
From a 1973 issue of Justice League of America: robot superhero Red Tornado meets robot Hitler, ruler of Earth-X, in a parallel universe where the Nazis won World War II.
"Alternate Timeline." In fiction, there are basically two multiverse models. In one model, all the parallel dimensions that make up a particular multiverse came into existence at the same time, and have co-existed ever since. (Which leads to the question, did one Big Bang create the entire multiverse, or was there a separate Big Bang for each dimension within the multiverse?) In the other multiverse model, you start off with one universe. Any time there's a divergence in the time stream, a new parallel universe forms as an offshoot of the original. These offshoots are "alternate timelines." They're usually the result of mucking-about by time travelers who come from the future and alter the course of historical events. This is what we saw in the last Star Trek: Romulans came from the future, killed Kirk's dad, and blew up the planet Vulcan. The result was a new timeline, separate and apart from the original Star Trek timeline depicted in previous movies and TV shows.
In the real world, according to some theoretical physicists, every single time a human being makes a decision, an alternate timeline comes into existence for every option available to him. So, for instance, when you got up this morning and decided what you were going to wear today, an alternate timeline was spawned for each and every outfit you might have chosen to put on. And the same was true for me and for everyone else.
If this theory's true, then somewhere there's a parallel universe where I showed up at my straight-laced office job this morning wearing a t-shirt that says, "I'm Not an Alcoholic! They Go to Meetings." And another parallel universe where I was wearing my Cobra Commander uniform. That means there are now a couple of parallel universes where I may be unemployed.
But I don't put a whole lot of stock into what theoretical physicists tell me (as I've made clear before). In fiction, it usually takes a lot more effort to create an alternate timeline. There's a grand tradition of sci-fi stories involving time travelers who go into the past and screw up historical events. Alternate timelines are one possible outcome of this kind of activity, but not the only one.
TIME TRAVEL
The classic time travel story follows what I call the "overwrite" theory, exemplified by Ray Bradbury's 1952 short story, "A Sound of Thunder" (which somehow became a truly wretched 2005 movie). The story is pretty straightforward. A man travels to prehistoric times, kills a butterfly, and returns to the present. But the world he returns to is slightly different from the one he knew. That dead butterfly has had a "butterfly effect," so to speak, on Earth's history. A new version of history has overwritten the old. As is customary in such tales, the time traveler, himself, is unaffected, which permits him to bear witness to the changes to the timeline.
A similar scenario played out in the Star Trek episode, "The City on the Edge of Forever." Dr. McCoy jumps through a time portal to Depression-era America and inadvertently prevents the United States' entry into World War II. The history of the 20th Century (and every century that follows) is overwritten by a new version of history. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock are unaffected by the changes to the timeline, due to their proximity to the time portal. They follow McCoy, undo the damage, and the original timeline is "restored."
Of course, Kirk's initial impulse was to mount it like a St. Bernard.
The problem with this theory of time travel is that you run into the so-called Grandfather Paradox. Put simply, if you go back in time and kill your own grandfather before he has a chance to have any kids, you effectively erase yourself from history. But if you never existed, how were you able to go back in time to kill your own grandfather in the first place? You couldn't. It doesn't work. You can't have it both ways.
One remedy for the Grandfather Paradox is the alternate timeline. With alternate timelines, you can have it both ways, because if you go back in time to kill your own grandfather, all you'd end up doing is creating a parallel universe where your grandfather was murdered and you never existed. Your own timeline - the one where your grandfather lived long enough to turn every family gathering into an unpleasant argument about abortion or gay marriage - that one would remain intact!
If you have a fictional setting where lots of time travel is going on, things can get pretty confusing. It can be hard to keep track of all of the alternate timelines springing up all the time. In the Marvel Comics universe (or multiverse, actually), there's even a cosmic agency called the Time Variance Authority, bureaucrats who exist to keep track of all the millions and millions of alternate timelines.
The other remedy to the Grandfather Paradox is what you might call the "determinist" theory of time travel. According to this theory, the past is the past is the past. It already happened, it's set in stone, and it cannot be changed. So if you go back in time to kill your own grandfather, you will fail. You'll get hit by a bus on the way to his house. Or your gun will jam and you'll stand there like a dope until the cops arrive and drag you away. Or your time machine will malfunction and you'll wind up marooned sometime during the last ice age, wondering whether sex with a Cro-Magnon would count as bestiality.Go for it.
In science, the "determinist" theory is called the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle. Igor Novikov - whose name, like all Russian names, makes me think of vodka - came up with this "principle" in the 1980s. As is so often the case, "real" science was lagging behind fictional science. The Novikov Self-Consistency Principle had already been around for decades in sci-fi stories and comic books.
Take Superman. By the early '60s, it was established in the comics that Superman could time travel pretty much at will. So readers began to ask why he didn't go back in time and prevent the destruction of his home planet. The answer is, he couldn't.
Whenever Superman tried to go back in time to fix something - whether his goal was to save Krypton or stop the Lincoln assassination - he would fail. Somehow, he would fail. By some strange quirk of fate, his plans always went awry, usually at the very last minute. And this is because, according to the physical laws in Superman's universe, history can't be changed.Time to recap. Everyone always says that if they had the ability to travel back in time, they'd kill Adolf Hitler before he rose to power. (I suspect at least a few people would instead go back to that night when they were twelve years old and their mom walked in on them jerking off to a copy of Omaha the Cat Dancer.)
Or has the success of Avatar made it okay to jerk off to cat people now? I'm confused.
But, for demonstration purposes, let's use the "kill Hitler" scenario instead. It's something we're all familiar with.
So, to recap, under what I call the "overwrite" theory, if you went back in time and killed young Hitler, a new timeline would overwrite the one we all know. In this new timeline, there'd be no World War II, no Holocaust, and no Cold War. (Also, no Dirty Dozen, no Slaughterhouse-Five, and no James Bond. I'm just sayin'...) But then you'd come up against the Grandfather Paradox. If you were born into a Hitler-less world, you'd have no reason to go back in time to kill Hitler in the first place. So you wouldn't, and the original timeline would be restored. You'd have to go back in time and kill Hitler all over again, except you'd have no memory of having done it all before. Best case scenario: you get caught in a Möbius Strip, where you're forced to keep repeating the same actions over and over and over again forever. Worst case scenario: the space-time continuum unravels and every single living thing in existence dies a horrible, screaming death. But at least you'd get a few moments of faux triumph!
Under the alternate timeline theory, if you went back in time to kill Hitler, you'd create a new, Hitler-less timeline where World War II, the Holocaust, and the Cold War never happened. But this alternate timeline would exist in a parallel universe, separate and apart from our own. In our own universe, all the horrors of Nazi Germany would still have happened. Meanwhile, in the new parallel universe you created, there would be tens of millions of more people walking around - the children and grandchildren of everyone who otherwise would've died in World War II. So in this new alternate timeline, your parents might never have met. They might've hooked up with other people who don't even exist in our world. Which means you might find that you don't exist in the happy, Hitler-less parallel universe at all.
Finally, under the "determinist" theory, if you went back in time to kill Hitler, you'd fail. You'd get hit by a car, or shot down by the police, or someone would drop an anvil on your head. Something would happen to prevent you from completing your task, and you'd fail. How do we know? Because it already happened. It's in the history books. It's done. It can't be changed.
There's a simple way to prove once and for all whether time travel will ever become a reality, and whether Novikov's theory was correct. Go look through the records of mental hospitals in Germany and Austria during the early 1900s, and see how many patients were brought in by the police during those years, claiming to be "from the future." There should be thousands of them, right?
EARTH-PRIME
And now I'm going to talk about a subject that's not as well-known as some other ideas about parallel universes, that of a "prime" universe or "Earth-Prime." In a fictional multiverse, the "prime" universe can be one of two things. It may be the one "source" universe from which the rest of the multiverse is somehow said to emanate. Or, in a metatextual twist, the "prime" universe may represent the "real" world, the non-fictional universe where you're reading this on your computer right now.
Like many sci-fi concepts, the notion of Earth-Prime originated in comic books. During the '60s, the folks at DC Comics were slowly building a fictional multiverse. The superheroes they were publishing at that time (the Justice League, the Teen Titans, etc.) were said to be located in a universe called "Earth-1." DC's World War II-era superheroes were revealed to be in a separate universe called "Earth-2." (You'd think it'd be the other way around, since the Earth-2 superheroes came first. But it wasn't.) Then there was "Earth-3," one of those "evil" parallel universes where everything was backwards. Earth-3 was dominated by a gang of supervillains called the Crime Syndicate.
Earth-1 and Earth-2 each had their own versions of certain superheroes. There were two Batmans, two Supermans, two Green Lanterns, two Flashes, and so on. The Flash of Earth-1, Barry Allen, debuted in 1955. He was inspired to take up a crimefighting career after reading comic books about the original Flash, Jay Garrick, whose exploits were published during the 1940s. Naturally, readers clamored for DC to bring back Jay Garrick so Barry Allen could meet his idol. And in 1961, that's just what happened, in the classic story, "Flash of Two Worlds!"
There was just one problem: how could Barry Allen meet somebody who, as far as he knew, was only a fictional character in a comic book? The solution was to stick Jay Garrick on a parallel universe, Earth-2. Barry Allen got zapped into this parallel universe and, after putting two and two together, tracked down Jay Garrick. Next thing you know, the old Flash and the new Flash were racing off to clobber some bad guys together. And how did the flesh-and-blood Jay Garrick of Earth-2 wind up as a comic book character on Earth-1? Here was the less-than-satisfying explanation:For the record, Gardner Fox really was the name of the guy who wrote the original Flash stories during the '40s. He's also the guy who wrote this story!In 1968, Fox decided to take this idea a step further, in a story called "The Flash - Fact or Fiction?" The Flash was blasted into yet another parallel universe - one where he, himself, was regarded as nothing more than a fictional character appearing in a comic book.
So Flash zipped over to the New York offices of DC Comics and convinced the editor of his comic book series to lend him the money to build a "cosmic treadmill," a device that would enable him to return to Earth-1. The world he visited was later dubbed Earth-Prime.It was a cute idea for a one-off story, but unfortunately, people can never just leave well enough alone. Through the '70s and early '80s, Earth-Prime kept coming up again and again. Superheroes from Earth-1 crossed over to Earth-Prime, and DC staffers crossed over to Earth-1 and Earth-2 to interact with their own creations.I'm sure the writers found all of this more amusing than the readers ever did.Comic book creators on Earth-Prime not only had the ability to "tune in" on what was happening on Earth-1, they could also directly influence events there. In one of my favorite Earth-Prime stories (in this instance, the italics indicate sarcasm), some terrorists on Earth-Prime - in collusion with their Earth-1 counterparts - kidnap a Batman artist and try to force him to draw a story where the Dark Knight is killed, knowing that whatever a comic book artist draws on Earth-Prime becomes reality on Earth-1.
Earth-Prime eventually got a couple of superheroes of its own: Ultraa (with a trademarkable extra "A" at the end of his name) and its very own Superboy. Needless to say, all of this really strained the notion that Earth-Prime was supposed to be the "real" world, and the people at DC knew it. In 1985 and '86, they did away with their convoluted multiverse and introduced a new, streamlined mythology. At the same time, they decided that Earth-Prime wasn't the "real" world after all, and it was destroyed along with billions of other parallel universes by a wave of anti-matter that swept across the multiverse.And that was it for the DC Comics version of Earth-Prime - at least, for the next twenty years, until a new generation of comic creators took over who liked the convoluted old multiverse and decided to bring it back. (For the record, I agree with the decision. Comics are more fun when there are lots of parallel universes for writers to play around in.) So Earth-Prime is back - though, to my knowledge, DC hasn't taken a position on whether it's once again supposed to represent the "real" world.
And that's the origin of the term "Earth-Prime." Since the '90s, the concept of a "prime" universe has shown up in a few places outside of comics.
In Sliders, "Earth-Prime" was the name the dimension-hopping heroes gave to their home universe, the one to which they were desperately trying to return. Their Earth-Prime was assumed to represent our own world until the fourth season, when it was conquered by creatures called the Kromaggs (who called their own home universe "Kromagg-Prime").
The shift in the meaning of "prime" - from the "real" world to a "source" world - began with last year's Star Trek. Leonard Nimoy played an elderly Mr. Spock, who crossed over from the original timeline (where the previous Star Trek movies and TV shows took place) to the new alternate timeline. The term "prime" wasn't used in the movie, itself, but in the closing credits (and the script), where the old Spock is identified as "Spock Prime" to distinguish him from the young Spock played by Zachary Quinto. You might not have noticed that, but a lot of Star Trek fans did, and they've already begun referring to the original Star Trek continuity as the "Prime Universe" or "Prime Timeline." (That "Prime Universe" lives on in the Star Trek Online game launched earlier this month.)
Another recent example of this use of the "prime" designation was found in Turtles Forever, a direct-to-DVD animated movie released last year to coincide with the 25th anniversary of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.
Okay, I know some of you just rolled your eyes at the thought of TMNT, but bear with me. According to Turtles Forever, the different versions of TMNT we've been subjected to over the years - including the moronic 1987 cartoon series, the unwatchable live action movies, and the (so I'm told) slightly more tolerable 2003 cartoon series - were each set in their own parallel universe. The main bad guy in the movie theorizes that there must be an original "prime" universe somewhere and sets out to destroy it, hoping to cause a domino effect that'll wipe out the multiverse. He finds just such a universe - which, for some reason, he calls "Turtle Prime" - and it turns out to be inhabited by the versions of the turtles who appeared in the original grim 'n' gritty comic book series that kicked off the whole TMNT phenomenon. This "prime" universe is not supposed to represent the "real" world. In fact, quite the opposite. The movie ends with a scene set in some other parallel universe, in 1984, where the two guys who created TMNT are finishing the very first issue of their comic book.And now we come full circle. The latest animated movie from DC Comics, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (which went on sale last week) has a very similar plotline to Turtles Forever.
In the movie, the Justice League battle their evil counterparts from a parallel universe, the Crime Syndicate. One of the Crime Syndicate's number is a nihilistic Batman doppelganger called Owlman, voiced by James Woods(!) He hatches a scheme to find Earth-Prime and destroy it, hoping it'll set off a chain reaction that'll obliterate the entire multiverse.Those are the varied forms of "Earth-Prime" we've seen in fiction so far. I'm sure the idea will crop up again, and perhaps even become as much of a sci-fi trope as alternate timelines and other kinds of parallel universes.
The Geek Jargon 101 Series:
Reboots: What They Are, What They Aren't, and Why They Happen.
Reboots and Reimaginings.
The Retcon Explained.
Continuity - Plus a Recap.
It's "Canon," Not "Cannon."
The Dark Side of "Canon."
The Dark Knight Annotated: Ra's al Ghul - and Talia, Too! (Part 2)
by Max Doomsday
I left off last week at the conclusion of Batman's first encounter with his most powerful enemy, Ra's al Ghul (the main heavy in Batman Begins). Here's what you need to take away from that story. Ra's al Ghul (whose name is Arabic for "the Demon's Head") is the leader of an international criminal organization called the Brotherhood of the Demon. He claims to be very, very old. He has learned Batman's secret identity. And because his lovely daughter Talia is quite smitten with the Dark Knight, he eyes Batman as a potential son-in-law and successor.
Batman's first meeting with Ra's al Ghul happened in 1971. Over the following year, he had two more run-ins with "The Demon." The first time saw Batman racing to recover a biological weapon developed and stolen by a scientist in Ra's al Ghul's employ. The second time, Batman caught Ra's al Ghul using super-scientific means to literally pick the brain of a dead US diplomat named Sterling Mason. On that occasion, the villain finally explained his motives.
Batman later described Ra's al Ghul as "mad for power ... worldwide power," and declared that he would "stop at nothing short of a criminal dictatorship!" I'm not sure exactly what a "criminal dictatorship" is, but it sure sounds scary! But Ra's al Ghul was up to more than just world conquest. At heart, he was a misguided environmentalist.
Over the years, his fanaticism has led him to hatch a series of schemes to "cleanse" or "purify" the Earth - by killing off most of humanity.
The early Ra's al Ghul stories saw a dramatic change in the character and personality of his daughter, Talia. Introduced to readers as the "sweet" medical student Batman rescued from the sinister Dr. Darrk (as I told you last week), she was transformed overnight into a top assassin working in her father's organization.
You might expect that this would turn Batman off to the idea of any potential romantic entanglement with her, but it actually had the opposite effect. You see, Batman has a fatal attraction for femme fatales. He likes dark, dangerous women - but, of course, he can never allow himself to be with such a woman as long as she remains on the wrong side of the law. (Hence, his seventy-year flirtation with The Catwoman.) In fact, when one of the sexy villainesses in his life does occasionally "go straight," he generally loses interest in her!
Michael L. Fleisher, author of the 1976 Encyclopedia of Comic Book Heroes, Volume One, argued that this behavior ties in to Batman's abandonment issues over his dead mother. I don't know if I buy that explanation, myself. It's a little too pat. Besides, I wasn't abandoned by my mother, and I've had an unhealthy fixation on The Baroness since I was seven years old!
Comic book geeks can toss around pop psychology theories to explain Batman's behavior all day long, but the fact is, Batman developed strong romantic feelings for Talia.
This gives a tragic (and yes, at times, melodramatic) overlay to the Dark Knight's battles with Ra's al Ghul. Batman's in love with the daughter of one of the most powerful criminals alive; Talia's torn between her loyalty to her father and her love for his sworn enemy; and Ra's al Ghul harbors genuine respect and admiration for Batman, but also knows he must ultimately destroy his foe - and that doing so will break the heart of his daughter, the one person in the whole world he gives a damn about.
After their first three encounters ended in stalemates, Batman decided Ra's al Ghul was too dangerous to be left on the loose, and resolved to bring him down once and for all. And to demonstrate how serious he was, he faked Bruce Wayne's death so he could devote himself to being Batman full time!
The Dark Knight tracked Ra's al Ghul halfway around the world to a base in Switzerland, only to find that his enemy was already dead - apparently from natural causes.
Thinking his work was done, Batman left ... just moments before the platform with Ra's al Ghul's body was lowered into a pool of bubbling goo.
Then the platform was raised...
Yes, Ra's al Ghul lived again. We would later learn that he's been around for centuries. He "dies" occasionally, only to have himself resurrected by means of immersion in a magical soup called the Lazarus Pit. Each time he emerges from the Lazarus Pit, he is rendered temporarily insane. He complains a lot about how one day he'll use the Lazarus Pit too many times and it will fail him, but no matter how many times he "dies" in the comics, he always manages to come back.
For the record, I don't approve of the Lazarus Pit. I think the supernatural has no place in a Batman story. When the Dark Knight's working with the Justice League or Superman or some other fantastic superhero, you can have all the supernatural elements you want. But in Batman "solo" stories, I think writers should strive to keep everything grounded in reality, as Christopher Nolan tried to do in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. So while I like Ra's al Ghul as a character, I hate seeing him in the Lazarus Pit, and I hate explicit references to his "immortality."
Anyway, after a chase through the Swiss Alps that was worthy of a Bond movie, the newly-resurrected Ra's al Ghul escaped to the middle of an unspecified Middle Eastern desert. Batman promptly tracked him down again, and the two men agreed to settle their differences the old-fashioned way.
The Dark Knight and "the Demon's Head" engaged in a swordfight that lasted all afternoon and into the night, ending only when fate intervened on Ra's al Ghul's behalf: Batman was stung by a scorpion.
But with "a final kiss," Talia slipped Batman the antidote. He recovered and trudged back to Ra's al Ghul's tent, leading to this classic exchange:
Batman took out his stunned enemy with a single blow, then said goodbye to Talia.
And so Batman's quest to capture Ra's al Ghul came to an end. Of course, in comic books, captured supervillains never stay imprisoned for very long. Ra's al Ghul would return again and again. I'll continue his history next week.
The "Dark Knight Annotated" Series:
The History of Two-Face.
The History of The Scarecrow.
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 1).
I left off last week at the conclusion of Batman's first encounter with his most powerful enemy, Ra's al Ghul (the main heavy in Batman Begins). Here's what you need to take away from that story. Ra's al Ghul (whose name is Arabic for "the Demon's Head") is the leader of an international criminal organization called the Brotherhood of the Demon. He claims to be very, very old. He has learned Batman's secret identity. And because his lovely daughter Talia is quite smitten with the Dark Knight, he eyes Batman as a potential son-in-law and successor.Batman's first meeting with Ra's al Ghul happened in 1971. Over the following year, he had two more run-ins with "The Demon." The first time saw Batman racing to recover a biological weapon developed and stolen by a scientist in Ra's al Ghul's employ. The second time, Batman caught Ra's al Ghul using super-scientific means to literally pick the brain of a dead US diplomat named Sterling Mason. On that occasion, the villain finally explained his motives.
Batman later described Ra's al Ghul as "mad for power ... worldwide power," and declared that he would "stop at nothing short of a criminal dictatorship!" I'm not sure exactly what a "criminal dictatorship" is, but it sure sounds scary! But Ra's al Ghul was up to more than just world conquest. At heart, he was a misguided environmentalist.Over the years, his fanaticism has led him to hatch a series of schemes to "cleanse" or "purify" the Earth - by killing off most of humanity.The early Ra's al Ghul stories saw a dramatic change in the character and personality of his daughter, Talia. Introduced to readers as the "sweet" medical student Batman rescued from the sinister Dr. Darrk (as I told you last week), she was transformed overnight into a top assassin working in her father's organization.
You might expect that this would turn Batman off to the idea of any potential romantic entanglement with her, but it actually had the opposite effect. You see, Batman has a fatal attraction for femme fatales. He likes dark, dangerous women - but, of course, he can never allow himself to be with such a woman as long as she remains on the wrong side of the law. (Hence, his seventy-year flirtation with The Catwoman.) In fact, when one of the sexy villainesses in his life does occasionally "go straight," he generally loses interest in her!Michael L. Fleisher, author of the 1976 Encyclopedia of Comic Book Heroes, Volume One, argued that this behavior ties in to Batman's abandonment issues over his dead mother. I don't know if I buy that explanation, myself. It's a little too pat. Besides, I wasn't abandoned by my mother, and I've had an unhealthy fixation on The Baroness since I was seven years old!
And who can blame me?
Comic book geeks can toss around pop psychology theories to explain Batman's behavior all day long, but the fact is, Batman developed strong romantic feelings for Talia.
This gives a tragic (and yes, at times, melodramatic) overlay to the Dark Knight's battles with Ra's al Ghul. Batman's in love with the daughter of one of the most powerful criminals alive; Talia's torn between her loyalty to her father and her love for his sworn enemy; and Ra's al Ghul harbors genuine respect and admiration for Batman, but also knows he must ultimately destroy his foe - and that doing so will break the heart of his daughter, the one person in the whole world he gives a damn about.After their first three encounters ended in stalemates, Batman decided Ra's al Ghul was too dangerous to be left on the loose, and resolved to bring him down once and for all. And to demonstrate how serious he was, he faked Bruce Wayne's death so he could devote himself to being Batman full time!The Dark Knight tracked Ra's al Ghul halfway around the world to a base in Switzerland, only to find that his enemy was already dead - apparently from natural causes.
Thinking his work was done, Batman left ... just moments before the platform with Ra's al Ghul's body was lowered into a pool of bubbling goo.Then the platform was raised...Yes, Ra's al Ghul lived again. We would later learn that he's been around for centuries. He "dies" occasionally, only to have himself resurrected by means of immersion in a magical soup called the Lazarus Pit. Each time he emerges from the Lazarus Pit, he is rendered temporarily insane. He complains a lot about how one day he'll use the Lazarus Pit too many times and it will fail him, but no matter how many times he "dies" in the comics, he always manages to come back.For the record, I don't approve of the Lazarus Pit. I think the supernatural has no place in a Batman story. When the Dark Knight's working with the Justice League or Superman or some other fantastic superhero, you can have all the supernatural elements you want. But in Batman "solo" stories, I think writers should strive to keep everything grounded in reality, as Christopher Nolan tried to do in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. So while I like Ra's al Ghul as a character, I hate seeing him in the Lazarus Pit, and I hate explicit references to his "immortality."
Anyway, after a chase through the Swiss Alps that was worthy of a Bond movie, the newly-resurrected Ra's al Ghul escaped to the middle of an unspecified Middle Eastern desert. Batman promptly tracked him down again, and the two men agreed to settle their differences the old-fashioned way.
The Dark Knight and "the Demon's Head" engaged in a swordfight that lasted all afternoon and into the night, ending only when fate intervened on Ra's al Ghul's behalf: Batman was stung by a scorpion.But with "a final kiss," Talia slipped Batman the antidote. He recovered and trudged back to Ra's al Ghul's tent, leading to this classic exchange:Batman took out his stunned enemy with a single blow, then said goodbye to Talia.And so Batman's quest to capture Ra's al Ghul came to an end. Of course, in comic books, captured supervillains never stay imprisoned for very long. Ra's al Ghul would return again and again. I'll continue his history next week.The "Dark Knight Annotated" Series:
The History of Two-Face.
The History of The Scarecrow.
The History of Ra's al Ghul (Part 1).
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